I’m sure you have been wondering why I have been strangely silent over the last few weeks. Well, here’s the deal. I am having postpartum issues. True story. A few weeks ago I had the flu and never seemed to really recover from it. Instead, I felt like I was spiraling downward rapidly.
In all of our challenges over the years, I have never had this kind of experience before. I am amazed at the reality of postpartum depression and how it feels to wonder if this person that you have become will be like this forever. I was shocked by how quickly it snuck up on me – but grateful that I was able to recognize it quickly and get some help.
Jason has been wonderful. I am so grateful he works at home as well so that I don’t feel quite so alone. I am doing much better over the last few days but it’s been tricky for a few weeks. I haven’t been able to accomplish much and that includes my blog. But we’re moving forward. I have strategies of how I have been doing that and will write about those later. Today I mostly just wanted to give you a heads up as to what is going on and why there isn’t a download again this week.
But don’t worry! Moving forward is what life is all about and so I’ll be back on track soon. I really am doing better than I was a few weeks ago so I have hope that all will be well. Little Cole has been my saving grace – but again, I’ll write about how later. Thanks for all of your support, love, encouragement and care via cyberspace.
I’ll be back soon – you can count on it. Here’s a photo for your viewing pleasure of Jason playing with the Cole-meister in the Bumbo. (And for those of you wondering – we only have him up on the counter when we are right there hanging on to him so he is safe and sound – never fear! It’s a great way for Jason to get on his level – face to face and grin to grin.)
Hang in there! I had post partum depression, too. There is light at the end of the tunnel!
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I love following your blog. You write so beautifully, I think your journalling will help you as you go through this difficult time. You are doing all the right things. I look forward to hearing from you again soon.
It will go away. Promise! Cole is so darn cute!
Lovely picture – he is a button and so beautiful. Hang in there girl, take each day at at time. Get lots of rest and especially do things just for you.
You will get thru this and tomorrow will be a much brighter day!!
Kolette-
I am sorry you have been struggling. I have been there. It will pass… I promise. You have a wonderful attitude and perspective. You will feel YOU again. Cole is just darling. I am so happy for your family. I appreciate that you are so open. That is one thing I love about your blog…. it is real. So many women pretend everything is fine, when it really isn’t so. As I have been open about my life, I am amazed at how many open up about their own struggles. You will get through this, and it will bring more compassion for others and a deeper joy and gratitude for when you feel back to normal. I am rambling, but here for you in spirit!!
Angie
You are not alone in this — even on days when it might feel that way. Be patient with yourself as you move towards health and healing. Check-in with your support circle, a session or two with a talk-doc (your ob might have one or two to recommend) can really help with perspective and strategies.
Oh Kolette, big hugs! I’m glad you told us so that we can reassure you that you are not alone in this and that it does get better. XX’s
Isn’t it nice that we live in a day and age where there is a lot of info. about PPD. We can be open about it and understand it better. Hang in there. You’ve got a great support system. Cole is so stinkin’ cute!!!
XO
Chelle
It’s the last thing you expect, really, and such an unwelcome surprise to feel it, especially when you look around and see everyone seemingly functioning just fine… but trust me, you are not alone!! Like everyone said–you are doing exactly the right thing to move through it. You will!
Hi Kolette! I have never had children, so don’t know what you are going thru other than what I have heard from others. Sounds like you have a good handle on it with lots of love and support from your family, friends and blog readers!!! Hang in there…you are loved.
Huge massive hugs Kolette.
Been there! Glad you got help. Mine started off with mastitis (flu-like symptoms from a breast infection), too. I knew I was in trouble when I couldn’t eat and couldn’t sleep. Thanks for speaking up and hang in there!
Mine hit about 6 weeks in but was made worse by Lauren’s condition. I went on Zoloft for 8 months and that really helped for the anxiety. I hope you feel better and know you are not alone.
Hang in there Kolette! Sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts your way!
A big-huge hug from Spain
)
Hey Kolette! I also struggled with postpartum depression for a while after the birth of each of my children. It was something that I never expected would affect me – but boy was I surprised. It is good that you are getting help and opening up about it. I am happy to report that it will get better and life will feel normal again – probably not the same normal as it was before Cole – but a new kind of normal that you will be happy to embrace!
Oh Kolette, I feel your pain. Fifteen years ago I had my son and I went through depression for about a year. I am 41 yrs. old now and back then they didn’t talk much about depression after you had a baby. I went to my son’s 4 mth. old check up and told the pediatrician that I didn’t feel right. His answer was that Caden was happy and healthy and that I was doing just fine. I should have listened to myself and got help. I did come out of it but it took a while. You do what you need to do for yourself and we will be here supporting you through blogland. Take care and feel better.
I went through much the same thing as Melanie except that mine was 25 years ago and believe me, it was NOT discussed.
By the time I had figured it out for myself I had had another child and found myself in a psychiatric ward wondering why
no one was listening to me!! I was able to extricate myself without any repercussions and after going to another city for a second opinion it was discovered that I had severe Stage 4 endo. I had an immediate hysterectomy and my life became my own again. It was unfortunate that I had to go through so much just to have someone listen to what my hormones were saying. I am so happy for you that you are aware of the signs and have the support and guidance you need to get through. I am now journeying through mentalpause:) and once again my hormones are protesting but THIS TIME I am the boss!!:) All the best of luck Kolette, you are very brave and kind to share all that you do in your blog … I’m sure all of your “followers” would agree with me when I say … Heal…we’ll wait!
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!!
That Cole is so stinkin cute…his smiling face always brings a smile to my face!
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Thanks for sharing your story–as Peggy and Melanie shared depression and mental health have not always been talked about. Sharing our thoughts and feelings–both ups and downs are so important to the art the choosing joy. Your story will likely be an impetus for someone to ask for the help that they need.
The photo is lovely–thanks too for sharing that special image.
Good thoughts and wishes,
Ellen
So sorry to hear you have PPD, but am very impressed that you figured it out on your own, got help, and are getting better already. And that you posted about it here. You will be in my prayers. I’m in your LWC year-long class also and I really appreciate all the hard work you’ve put into that class. It must be difficult with everything else you’re dealing with. Please take good care of yourself and don’t rush the process.
Kolette,
Sorry to hear you are not in such a good place right now. My first child is now 6. Before he born I became pregnant but miscarried. A year later I became pregnant & miscarried again. Two years later I finally became pregnant again and gave birth to my son. When he was 3 weeks old I sat in the house alone with him and just cried & cried – not understanding why after all those many many days of heartache I had this blessing of a healthy baby boy & yet I felt so shocking. I felt I couldn’t call anyone because I thought they would just say “look at what you have, what you’ve spent all this time wishing & hoping for”.
I commend you for letting us know. I have 2 theories which are only based on my opinion & could be totally unfounded
(i) in cases where a child is conceived with difficulty or against odds, loved ones around you are SO thrilled for you that you receive nothing but genuine excitement for 9 months & it’s often based on you eg “how are YOU feeling? YOU look great, look at YOUR belly”. Which is good & the way it should be for any pregnant woman, regardless of how “easy” or challenging the conception was , but it doesn’t help with the realities of preparing for the 24 hour (sleep deprived) care of an infant
(ii) it’s easy to underestimate the power of the hormonal changes within our body after giving birth.
Take care.
Kollette, thank you for your story. I will keep you in your prayers. I had a mild case of depression after my last child was born. I remember sitting alone one afternoon while Aaron was napping, crying for hours until my older son and husband came home. Like other women, when I told my doctor, he said I was “just tired” and the feeling would pass. By the time school started again in August, and I had a routine, I was better. I don’t think the doctor truly understood. Even now, I still fight those moments of depression after sixteen years old, but I have another doctor who recognizes that my feelings are not just “in my head” but something physical and treatable.
I wish you moments of quiet. solitude, and serenity, and most of all, recovery–not just moments, but full recovery. You have lots of women who are praying for you and sending good thoughts your way.
Some day read Marie Osmond and Brooke Shields books on PPD I found great comfort in them, prays for you! I suffer from mild depression and take low dose anit D’s and am much better for it, thankfull, I never had it swing lower with PPD.
Good luck
Take the time and be good to your self.
I am so sorry that you are having a ruff go of it, but glad that you are getting the help you need. Take care of yourself and your family and don’t worry about the blog and things. We will all still be here when you feeling better. We’ve all been through the new mommy stuff too, and understand what you’re going through.
My goodness, you have all been dealing with so much lately I don’t need to list them but they would for certain rock my boat and make me shaky. I’m happy to hear that you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel.
Big hugs, lots of thoughts and prayers, and lots more now that I know. I wondered. I think with all the extra hormone shots before you got pregnant it makes it worse for some women. You can get through this. Look at the positives each day not the negatives. Remember Jason’s mountain picture and perspective. This feels like a huge mountain but you have a beautiful baby, great hubby, supportive family and most of all a great big God.
Kolette just when we think nothing can upset our apple cart! Just take care of you. When you do that everyone else is cared for too. Thank you for the photo of Jason and Cole. They are beautiful and 100% of that is because of you. A wonderful wife and mother. Love you…
Hey Kolette, So sorry to read this.
Have been in a similar place myself. In the absence of me being able to do so (from Australia) I pray that people will be moved to offer their care and assistance to you, and that you receive all the support you need. Don’t worry about the download thing AT ALL – never feel obliged. Take care of yourself and God bless you.
PPS can be really rough. It’s wonderful that you were able to recognize it and look for help. I admire you for being open about this tough subject. More women need to see how common this is and that there is help available.
I love this happy picture and can’t help but smile along with it.
so sorry to hear you are dealing with postpartum depression. I have clinical depression and I know you can sometimes feel so alone… but you are not! Just keep getting up every day and doing what you can do. You will get through it! It was great that you recognized what was happening, that’s the first step to getting well
Love and hugs from New Zealand too.
I also had PPD but went undiagnosed for quite some time!(was in a foreign country with no family nearby; really struggled with breast feeding for six weeks; bumbled along until we returned to NZ 9 months later and then my Mum passed away) The great news is that you have recognised it for what it is and are getting help. Just give yourself time!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you need to pull back from some commitments – so be it! We will still all be here when you feel ready to return. Just keep posting photos of your gorgeous gorgeous boy!
God Bless – you are in my prayers
Kolette, you’re not alone. We’ve gone through versions of this with each of our kids’ births-1st year. The good thing is that we knew what to expect after our first child so the 2nd time around it wasn’t so alarming. Hang on and don’t be afraid to get help. I wish I had been better at that. Love, J