I know that my blog is called “The Art of Choosing Joy.” I have taught a Big Picture Scrapbooking workshop with the same title. But my month-long bout with postpartum has given me a reason to pause and really think about that phrase “choosing joy.”
In dealing with all of our challenges with regard to Jason’s health and lengthy recovery from his car accident 12 years ago, I learned what it meant to say that happiness is my choice. True, we may not like our circumstances or situations but we still have the autonomy it takes to decide if we are going to feel joy within those circumstances. I learned a long time ago that I don’t have to like hard things in order to be able to be happy within them.
So as I found myself hit a low about a month ago, I looked at my blog header and wondered, “Is it really true? Do I have the choice to be happy?” I knew that I wanted to feel better. I wanted to feel like my old self – optimistic, positive, ready to tackle what was placed in front of me. I wanted to have hope. I wanted to do more than take naps and feel exhausted. I wanted to feel something other than overwhelmed and unsure.
But for some reason, for the first time in my life, I couldn’t get there on my own. Yes, I got help from a doctor. He said, “I think you are going to pull out of this yourself.” To which I responded…”I don’t think so.” I know myself and I know what it took for me to simply see the doctor in the first place. I had no desire to try and muddle through postpartum issues on my own for months. I was ready for help.
I have never had to take medication for anxiety or depression of any kind and as I started the medicine I began to wonder how much a little pill really could do to help me. Sure it would level me out like I needed it to, but what about the rest? What about my role in this healing process? Where did the idea of “choosing joy” fit into this scenario?
I have decided that this experience of postpartum depression is no different than any other difficult situation that we have gone through. I had to choose that I was going to heal. I had to choose that I was going to be happy. I had to choose that I was going to do everything I could to put myself in a position to let the medication do it’s job. I had to choose how I thought about things, what I did and how I lived my life in order to feel the best I possibly could as I made my way back to the real me.
Some of you might think that this comes naturally or automatically when a person is happy by nature. But although I am a very positive person, it didn’t come naturally. I had to work for my joy. I had to make conscious decisions that I knew would help me feel better. There was nothing accidental or automatic about pulling myself out of my postpartum pit. Instead, my most effective weapon was living very deliberately and learning about yet another aspect of this idea of “the art of choosing joy.”
Joy is a choice. I have always believed this to be true and after the last six weeks I am even more convinced of it. I have the power to decide if I am going to be happy within my circumstances. Some days may be harder than others and that’s ok. There is a year or two of our lives that I wouldn’t mind erasing completely from my memory! But the point is that we recognize that we have a say in how we feel. We decide to fight back when the blues threaten to overwhelm us. Our arsenal may be small and we might feel weak compared to the challenges we face but we have to do something to fight back, block out the negative influences and take control of our own happiness.
How did I do this? I’ll tell you about my hands-on, real life strategies in my next post. And in the meantime, recommit yourself to your role in “the art of choosing joy.” I guarantee that you’ll be happy that you did.
Your eloquently words always inspire me because I know I suffer from anxiety disorder, depression, and also SAD. I’m 49 and have lived the life of a 95 year old. I recently lost my sister (last week at the age of 61) of a rare sarcoma on the her bronchial tubes and aorta and thought I knew she was going to pass because she was given less than 6 months and died 5 1/2 years later. I thought I could HANDLE it, I KNEW it was coming, I thought I PREPARED myself….nothing can prepare you when you know longer can talk to your best friend, 2nd Mom, and my sister. I’ve lived with depression meds since I was 30. Just pick yourself up and do it again….I just couldn’t this time. I finally couldn’t stop from just having the panic attacks and bawling all the time. My husband finally realized, I wasn’t getting better and I’m glad he finally noticed it. My meds have kicked in and I can at least talk. I’ve been there at a CKU when I heard your story, I thought what a strong woman and people say that about me, but we are still people and difficulties do happen to us. My life reads like a book, my oldest brother a minister, committed suicide in a psychiatric ward…they trusted him and he was on a 24 hour watch. I lost another brother 3 1/2 years ago with a rare sclerosing cholaganitis at the age of 56, lost my brother last year almost to the date of my sister’s death by one day of a diabetic coma. My father passed away when I was just 24. The eldest sister has changed the beneficiary of my brother who died last year to only herself. It was in my Mom & Dad’s name for 34 years, even through 2 marriages and divorces. Dad died, and he changed it 6 days later. We are now in court with my sister, and my little sister stole $90,000 from my MOM. So, when I think of what I’ve gone through I go through and read your pass writings. You still inspire me and I know you can fight, and not always do we want medicine to take away the pain, but sometimes we do need it.
That is why, I chose to change my life to JOY!! I work at it on a daily basis and your really do inspire me…I’m sorry for repeating myself, but I know I find strength in your readings. I’m definitely so eloquent about stating it, but I have to fight for my 10 year old. GOD has blessed with the greatest child and for that I am thankful.
Sorry for my ramblings….but sometimes I think I need to just let it out.
You take care and if you ever want to talk…I’m always listening.
Sheila from Texas
s_pavelec@yahoo.com
Kolette,
I am so proud of you for your pro-active approach to your PPD. I have suffered depression, and I have suffered PPD, and I still think of that time with PPD as one of the toughest times of my life. Good for you for standing up to the doctor and telling him you needed help! Most women in your situation would have felt belittled at that point for asking for medication. If that medication doesn’t work, try a different one! It took me three before I found the right one.
But the most important part of the healing equation is your decision to find joy! Hurray for you! You will be able to make it through this time. With all that you and Jason have already come through in the past 12 (or 16, isn’t it?) years, this too shall pass.
With the medication on board, hopefully you can start to find joy in holding that baby boy close, just smelling him, hearing him breathe, and looking at the miracle he is.
It is always harder for me to choose well when I am tired and exhausted…
I do agree with you, though, we can choose joy no matter what our circumstances….
I love you! Thanks…
Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are an inspiration in more ways than one! WOW!! Take Care!! Love reading what you write!
Love this quote recently on Stacy Julian’s blog -
“Hope for the moment. There are times when it is hard to believe in the future, when we are temporarily just not brave enough. When this happens, concentrate on the present. Cultivate le petit bonheaur (the little happiness) until courage returns. Look forward to the beauty of the next moment, the next hour, the promise of a good meal, sleep, a book, a movie, the likelihood that tonight the stars will shine. Sink roots into the present until the strength grows to think about tomorrow.” Ardis Whitman
So important to choose joy even if in a little fragment or moment of what we are currently experiencing.
My husband is currently writing a book on “The Art of Deliberate” to support workshops he runs. Will let you know when it is ready.
Kolette,
Thank you so much for your sharing your story in such an honest and insightful way. You’re a great lady.
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. I have been taking your “Life Well Crafted” and it has tremendously helped me so much! Lots of love.
Love to you.
k.
It’s a great thing you sharing your story! I am sure you will get past this and you are an inspiration! Hugs from Conroe, TX!
Good for you. Postpartum depression is so difficult. Here’s to hoping you feel like yourself very soon.
Fabulous and thought-provoking post … thank you.
Thanks for being honest and sharing the struggle. I have a 5 month old (my last of 3 kids) and have finally just admitted to having PPD for the first time and have started counseling. Still thinking about the pill option.
It’s refreshing to hear a similar story. By that I mean someone who is normally choosing joy, but is just struggling with it now.
Here’s to seeing the joy return!
Kolette,
Thank you for sharing this with us! I am trying so very hard to “choose joy” right now and it IS hard work. And ya’ – I’ve been called “the most positive person” by my friends, but sometimes you get hit hard. And then it’s more work than you ever thought to get yourself out of the hole.
You are wonderful for sharing this real and personal story with us.
Kolette,
I admire your point of view you but I have to tell something, when a person borns with genetic depression, low self esteem, and feeling sad all the time, believe me, it is so hard to choose joy. I’m working everyday to achieve that, but imagine all your life feeling the way you described in your post. It’s awfoul, I think sometimes genetic determine how you will be, and if the family doesn’t help to feel happy, it is worst. In my case I have many relatives with depression, and ohters problems like that. I wish I had a happy person, but maybe I have to accept my reality. When I feel sadness, people say to me ohh come on, smile, life is great, I hate that, because when I see people who can’t walk or see, I never say to them, ohh smile, you will see the world or come on, walk, is easy. Depresion is a serious problem like others heatlh issues, I admire you but sometimes choose joy when you are feeling miserable is very hard to do it. Sorry for my english, I hope you can understand me.
Love you
I have been reading a book, The Sedona Method. It has amazing, and most importantly, SIMPLE tools in it that have helped me, emotionally, more than almost anything in my life thus far. I have to hold myself back from telling everyone I meet about it. (Or at least, from doing so in the insistent, excited, ultimately obnoxious way that will keep people from wanting to actually look at it.) But I want to.