Jason and I just spent the week being “Session Directors” for a program called Especially for Youth. We had 1175 youth ages 14-18 and 140 capable and energetic college-age counselors. It was an amazing experience to be with these stalwart young people who love life and are trying to live in a way that is different than many youth of their generation. They are involved in school activities, sports, drama and everything that their hometowns have to offer. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors and races. They gathered from all over the world to be together, make friends of their faith and learn how to be the best people they can be. They want to live righteously. They want to make good choices. They want to be happy as well as be a part of their schools and peer groups. EFY helps them learn how to do that.
But it does something else. It gives us, as adult leaders to learn from them. They have strong spirits. They are wise and humble and loving and happy. They have many friends who believe the same things they do and many who do not. That doesn’t matter. They know how to be positive influences without being preachy and how to have fun while making good choices.
I am grateful for the chance to spend a whole week with youth of this caliber and count myself blessed to feel of their spirits and love of life and the Lord. I kept wanting them to know, really know, that they can accomplish great things. I wanted them to know that they are loved. I wanted them to know that they have the ability to rise up and become all that they are intended to become. And in the meantime, I was grateful for the reminder that I received of how this same principle applies to me, as an adult, as well.
This week has made me think a lot about how I am going to raise my little boy to be strong and faithful and to make good choices in his life. What do you all do to make this happen for your children? How do you teach them right from wrong and to be strong in their convictions of what they know to be true? I know very well that you don’t have to be religious to teach these principles. So, whether you practice a religion or not, how do you teach your children to reach their greatest potential for good?
Thank you, amazing youth. Thank you for “the best EFY in the history of the world ever!” You have taught us well this week.
please click on image to download pdf
This sounds like an amazing event, and very inspiring. I do take issue a bit with your comment that these kids are “trying to live in a way that is different than most youth of their generation”. I have an 18 year old and a 15 year old, and I’ve spent a lot of time with them and their friends and at their school and sports activities over the years. I think that MOST kids are like the young people you spent the week with, and the minority are the troublemaking deliquents teens seem to get lumped together with. Most kids are working hard at school and doing the right things at home and in their communities. We just don’t hear about it because the news and the older generations seem to focus on the instances of trouble. I bet there was little mention of the event you were a part of on the news or in the paper even though there were over a thousand young people there, but I’m sure there were stories about vandalism or theft or teen pregnancy involving kids the same age in far less numbers. The public likes sensationalism, and because we see such stories in the news we think this must be a huge problem, and it is, but there are far more good kids out there than there are bad apples.
EFY is an amazing event. My son just went in Gainesville, Georgia & was relieved to be with kids who shared his beliefs & standards. I am glad that you & Jason could be involved in such a great event!
The download is wonderful. Thank you.
Brenda – how right you are! I apologize for sounding like these are the only youth out there trying to live in a different way than society paints for them. That is why I asked for suggestions of how all of you, as parents, are making it happen – no matter what your religious beliefs. How do you all do it?
Kolette~ I am really sorry. As I re-read my comment it sounds so harsh. I didn’t mean it to be so. As a parent of a couple of fantastic teenagers it is just hard sometimes to hear the generalizations that are made about young people these days. It really does hurt and demoralize the good kids.
As for my husband and I we just really always from birth tried to tell our kids that they were good, smart, strong, and most of all loved no matter what. We were their biggest cheerleaders, we helped them find what they loved to do and made sure they had what they needed to do it. That allowed them to find a group of friends who also did what they loved and made them a part of a greater community. I think a lack of confidence and a feeling of not fitting in is most often what gets teenagers in with a wrong crowd.
Sister Hall,
I was one of the youth who attended this session of EFY last week.I’d just like to thank you and Brother Hall for making my first time at EFY such an incredible experience. My testimony was strengthened enormously, and I am grateful for the opportunity to let you know what a difference I believe the knowledge I’ve gained and the habits I’ve formed will make in my life. It truly was not just a good EFY, not just a great EFY, but the best EFY in the history of the world ever!
With love and appreciation,
Sarah Barrus (from the company “Dig A Pit”)
P.S. let “M.C. Wheels” know that
I love to read the Book of Mormon,
Pray morning, noon, and night
I have standards and values,
just trying to live right
I’m a righteous Son or Daughter
with a Spiritual hiiiigh!
Hey Hey Ho Ho
EFY!!!
Kolette,
What an great post. It is always inspiring to be a part of something that is larger than “my own little world.” Passion mixed with the desire to do good and affect positive change on the world is such a powerful experience. How awesome that you and Jason got to share it with so many youth.
I can appreciate that is easy to categorize people into good and bad. But as with most things in life it is never really that simple. I believe that all people are born good, even the so-called bad apples. Exhibiting misbehavior does not make one a bad person. Labels hurt everyone. As much as it demoralizes some teens to be lumped with the “troublemaking delinquent teens,” it is equally demoralizing to the others to be so judged. The true nature of a person is more than a simple accounting of his or her actions.
Every child is a gift, unique with his or her own strengths and weaknesses and no one strategy will work for every child. Brenda describes an excellent parenting philosophy which has produced wonderful results in her children. As the parent of a special needs child, I can attest that my family employed the exact same strategies with our son. But despite strong family roots, his own gifted intellect and unconditional love, he struggles both in school and at home to find his place in the world. He makes mistakes and learns from them. He battles depression and manages his ADHD everyday. And to us he is the most precious, wonderful gift from God. We’ve had to adapt our parenting style at every stage and we made mistakes along the way. But without making mistakes you never get the opportunity to grow and become better. I know that he will accomplish great things in his lifetime, even as I know he’ll get knocked around a bit as well. I pray every day for wisdom and patience…and for the world to be gentle and kind as he makes his way.
I guess, Kolette, I’m just trying to say that you make the best choices for the child using the best information available at the time and adjust as you go. Parenting is an adventure. Enjoy the ride! : )
Kolette – What a wonderful weekend that must have been. In our own household, ever since my boys were little, I have made sure to praise them for their good acts and for being good people. I’ll take the time to stop and talk to them about how proud I am of them when they do something kind, or do something that’s difficult, but the right thing to do.
I spend more time praising them for these things than for getting the “A”, or hitting the homerun.
Those are awesome pics…I hope you two are still doing EFY in a few years when my kids get the chance to go. I would love for them to hear your story — in person. We need traveling EFY like we get the Time Out For Women series — now that would be awesome!!!
I’m enjoying your blog so much! Our boys are 19 and 22, pretty good friends – roommates [apt] at college and just good all around guys. I have to say this is /was accomplished with the Lord’s help and guidance – daily I ask for His protection over them spiritually – physically -and – emotionally, and I ask for the guidance of the Spirit as they make decisions in life. [And yes, I'm one of those Moms who asks that they get caught quickly if they make a bad decision.] Our boys made a decision to follow Christ at a young age and I know that God is guiding their lives as long as they are willing to listen to Him.
Practically, I’m a social worker and we’ve never hidden our discussions about what ‘the world’ has to offer and how one bad decision can change a life course forever. We’ve openly discussed health dangers [smoking - drinking] and drug use and how it can affect one’s life. I can remember us telling them that their “friends” would offer them these things and laugh at them if they didn’t join in – but in the end if they stood by their beliefs then these people would respect them for it…lots of discussion like this and about how we choose to live our lives differently because we know that is what God wants us to. We changed churches [same denomination - stronger youth group] when they were young to insure they went to church with kids they were in school with so that they could have that positive peer group to grow with. And they’ve always known that their friends are welcome in our home [we make a A LOT of brownies around here!] I gotta say it seems to have worked, even now, when they are home from college we have a house full of kids about five out of seven nights. Good times. Enjoy your baby every step of the way!
Thanks for the wonderful download.
For me, part of the parenting conundrum must be good role-modelling (from Day 1). Our children must be able to see that we too live out what we are telling them. As another mentioned – lots of specific positive praise, with the emphasis on the specific, so that they know what it is that they have done well. And talk talk talk. My daughter is now eleven. Last summer she was upset about something to do with a friend. She couldn’t sleep and her behaviour was a bit “off” for a few days. Finally we lay down on her bedroom floor in the dark and talked until 4 in the morning. Not me telling her what to do but just guiding her jumbled thoughts. Kolette it was such an awesome experience!!!! She stunned me with her own wisdom and insight given the opportunity to explore the situation.
Above all – as she enters the teenage years I feel it important that I let her know how much I believe in her and her abilities. So often I hear parents make comments like “Oh I am dreading the teenage years” and their children hear this too.
Expect the best for them and then pray for them every day!
Oops – didn’t mean to ramble….. Love & God Bless
Always remember –
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders,
but they have never failed to imitate them.
—–James Baldwin
We have had this bought home to us in many ways – and not all of them flattering to us or welcome!
Keep them close to you, welcome their friends to your home, make sure they have plenty of enjoyable activities to occupy them so they are not hanging around unoccupied. And remember above all they do grow out of phases! With your considerate attitude and desire to do the best I am sure your son is in the best possible hands
Hi Ko! I LOVE this post! Garrett came home last year from EFY talking about this cool couple that was so inspiring. After a bit of probing, Dave and I realized he was talking about you guys! In his words, “Mom they were seriously sooo COOL, they really know how to talk to teenagers!” He thought it was pretty cool we knew you guys-nothing like being a EFY celebrity! Unfortunatley, we had some bad planning this summer so he isn’t going this year, but he will never miss another year. Hope you guys will be there!
A big thanks for this download! It’s going to be framed and hung in the hall by my kids rooms! One of my favorite quote for the teenage years is…A little less tugging, and alot more hugging! It’s amazing how hard that can be in this particular stage (14-15 year old) but it’s getting us through it!
By the way, thanks for the announcement! The picture is priceless, and the creativity is so “Ko”!
Looking forward to checking in again soon! Love ya!