So, I admit that I knew nothing about the origin of Labor Day until this morning.  Then my curiosity was quenched with the help of our good friend Wikipedia.  I did some quick research to familiarize myself as to why we get the first Monday in September off as a federal holiday.

Did you know that this holiday was inspired originally by labor disputes in Canada?

Did you know the first “labor day” celebration was in 1882?

Did you know that the creation of the holiday Labor Day was an attempt to diffuse conflict during the 1894 Pullman Strike?

Did you know that Labor Day marks the beginning of the NFL and college football seasons?

As I sit here writing this Cole is taking a nap and  I am hearing nothing but the tap-tap-tapping of Jason’s typers as he has been closeted away in his office all morning preparing for his Fantasy Football draft tonight – yes, football season has arrived…. *sigh*

Thanks to Fantasy Football, Jason not only wants to follow his beloved Dallas Cowboys but every other team that has one of his picks on it as well.

Football = good.  Football obsessions = not my favorite.  *sigh again*

But it’s true that all of the original labor disputes have become a distant memory in our nation’s history and for our family, the en vogue purpose for Labor Day today consists simply of the desire to squeeze in one last pool party and BBQ.

Works for me.

Jason went to the grocery store for me again the other day.  He does this a lot.  I don’t like shopping in general and although he can do many things to help me with Cole, he can’t lift him in and out of his crib or up off the ground or make his bottle or change his diaper or get him dressed…all the things that require use of your hands.

But he can go shopping for me.

So, now that he has his new van (finally!) Jason has become the errand-runner in our family again.  I think that is what I missed most when he was vanless – his ability to go places independently.  But going to the grocery store is different for him than it is for the rest of us.  He can’t grab things off the shelf and so he has to ask other customers or employees to help him load his basket or grab his credit card from his wallet or take his bags to the car.  Armed with the list I have given him Jason conquers his task with the help of half a dozen people along the way.

He often will have me on the phone, asking me questions over his bluetooth headset.  Not only does this ensure he is getting the right items but it is a bonus for me as well.  I get to hear the conversation of each person who helps him get a particular item in that aisle.

“Excuse me – can you help me grab this?”

“Oh!  Sure!  Which one?  Oh, ok.  Here you go.  Anything else I can get for you?”

“No that’s all.  Thanks.”

Then more often than not, I’ll hear some sort of motherly love from the helper as they tell him how impressed they are that he is going shopping on his own.  It’s usually a tender little moment for them – I can tell.  As women, we just can’t help ourselves.

Of course, there is the random person who when asked to help just look at him like he is a crazy quadriplegic stalker and hurry away – but those are few and far between and make us laugh in the process so it’s ok.

So, Jason went to the grocery store and this time he hadn’t called me to ask many questions.  He was confident with his own knowledge of the list and buzzed through the store taking one employee with him through the baby aisle and another one to round up all the rest of items in the store.  When he got home I unloaded all of the grocery bags and saw that he had gotten bananas, just like the list said.  There were three sets – all in varying shades of ripeness.

I hadn’t told him to do this.  Jason knows, after all of his shopping expeditions, that I like to get bananas this way.  Some for now, some for a few days from now, and some for after that, each set turning ripe when we are ready to eat them.  Along with the fact that he was being a huge help to me by going to the grocery store, that day I was grateful for so much more than just an errand run.

Jason knows me.  He knows me and cares enough about me to do this task in the way that I would have done it because he understands that it makes me happy.  These are my favorite bananas simply because of how they came to be sitting on my counter – chosen with care, hard work and thoughts of me in mind.

This week I’m grateful for bananas and all they represent – and along with those bananas, I’m grateful for you, errand boy.  We make a good team.

When we first moved into our house about a year ago we planned a family get-together with my family.  My brother was down from Washington with his kids plus all of my siblings that live here in Utah so we were going to have a full house for dinner and hanging out.

Jason and I certainly got a late start when it comes to having kids so most of Coleman’s cousins are age 7-21.  Lots of teenagers in there.  Since we didn’t have children at the time – especially not teens – we decided to buy Rock Band so that the kids would have something to do.

Little did we know that we would become obsessed with it ourselves.  The first day we had it set up, Jason and I played it for about 8 hours straight and emerged from the basement blinking our bleary eyes just like you do when you come out of a movie theater.  We were hooked.

That day, because Jason has no mobility in his hands and cannot move his fingers at all, he was the lead singer while I switched back and forth from the guitar and drums.  However, it got me thinking about how we could help Jason be able to use the instruments – specifically the drums.  After a trip to the drugstore, I came home with two thumb brace bandages that each have a loop for his thumb and then wrap around his wrist.  We also added some coban (like an ace bandage except self-adhesive) to the drumsticks themselves.

With the thumb braces on each hand, we then slid the drumstick through the thumb loop.  This simulated “holding” the drumstick for his quadriplegic hands.  Then we wrapped some coban around the drumsticks to provide the needed resistance to hold the drumstick in place in his hands.  Basically, now the drumsticks won’t slip out of the thumb loop as he rocks out.

Thus began Jason’s love affair of Rock Band.  He can’t use the guitar – but you don’t need to.  He is drummer extraordinaire and rocks out on a regular basis.

Here’s the amazing thing, though.  Even though we have him all set up to pound on the drums, there is no way that he can use the foot-operated bass pedal.  Let’s face it – he’s paralyzed.  So the bass pedal is not an option unless he can convince some lucky niece or nephew (or wife) to hit it for him (which is quite boring so the wife pretty much said, “You’re on your own with that” a long time ago).

To compensate (and Jason is the kind of guy that figures out how to get around barriers in his life) he has had to become really good at rock band.  If he hits all the right notes on the drums then it keeps him just high enough on the scoring level to stay in the game.  Sometimes, in order to not be kicked off of the song he has to be practically perfect on the drums themselves in order to make up for not being able to hit the bass pedal.

It’s been interesting to watch him become better and better at Rock Band.  Believe it or not, banging those drums actually requires a lot of effort for a quadriplegic.  He basically uses all of the muscles that still function in order to pull it off.  He has to work hard at balancing forward to hit the drums and it ends up being quite the cardio workout.  In fact, after he started playing Rock Band, people began to comment that he was looking more fit and we decided that for a quadriplegic, the way that Jason uses it, Rock Band is like going to a gym for an able-bodied person.  Go figure!

Because of the workout value as well as the entertainment value, Jason plays Rock Band quite a bit.  I have been fascinated by what happens when he plays, though.  When a person is good at hitting all the right notes, the crowd literally cheers you on because of your ability to rock.  Unfortunately, if you don’t hit all the correct notes, your level drops lower and lower and the crowd starts to boo instead.  If you’re doing badly enough, the boos get louder and you are eventually kicked off the game.

Now let’s go back to the bass pedal dilemma.  Because Jason can’t hit the bass pedal, even when he hits all the correct notes on the drums, he hovers down at the bottom of the perfection meter.  Almost the entire time that he is playing, he does so amid the boos and complaints of the crowd.  Yet he still keeps playing.  Even when it takes practically a perfect score on the drums themselves to not be kicked off, he still keeps trying.

It seems like when I listen to him play that all I can hear are the boos.  But he still keeps going.  He blocks out the jeers and the boos and the complaining yells from the crowd and keeps himself just above the mark by being good at the part that he actually CAN do instead of focusing on what he can’t.  He doesn’t allow the crowd to discourage him – he just moves forward.

Now, I know that Rock Band is not real life.  I know that it’s just a game.  But still…you have to admit that it’s pretty impressive that he keeps on going even though all he hears are boos from the crowd instead of cheers.  It has occurred to me more than once that it takes a lot of mental control on his part to not be discouraged and to keep moving forward even though the crowd is telling him otherwise.

What are the “Rock Bands” in your life?  I think we all have crowds that sometimes cheer us on but often we are also amid crowds that are jeering and complaining and looking for us to fall.  But we believe that it’s possible to overcome those crowds – to block out the negative people and move forward as we strive to reach our goals in spite of our individual abilities or our disabilities.

Resist the temptation to give in to the boos around us.  I know that if we believe in ourselves we can do great things – even be a ROCK STAR like the legendary (at least in his own mind) Jason Hall.

Our nieces and nephews rockin' out with him - it's fierce down there in the basement

I heard a new song on the radio today.  I skip between the local alternative music station and the country ones – this was on a country station and I thought I recognized the voice.  When I got home I triumphantly found it on iTunes as Brad Paisley’s new single “Then.”

You know, it’s interesting to go through challenges with someone, weathering the storms that kick up (and seem to last forever) and then coming out on the other side, banged up and bruised but still standing.  Jason and I have had some rough times as we have dealt with his car accident and all of the other health issues that come from being a quadriplegic.  Some moments during the last 16 years were better than others.  I can think of a year or two that I wouldn’t mind just erasing from our memories because they were so challenging.

But amid the struggle for survival, we have done it.  And although one person on our little two-person team has often had to take the lead at different times in order to pull us through, we have done it together.  And we are better for it.

So, I can’t help but think about my life with Jason as I keep hearing the words of the chorus of that song in my head:

Now you’re my whole life

Now you’re my whole world

I just can’t believe the way I feel about you

We’ve come so far since that day…

And I thought I loved you then.

When you get married you think you are in love – and you are.  But as the twists and turns of life happen and as you travel them together, holding on to one another, fighting the wind and the rain and anything else that gets thrown at you and come out on top….well, that just takes it to a whole new level of love for one another.

Now I see him with our little Coleman – another challenge and miracle to work through to receive – and I feel my love gain yet another dimension.

We’ve come so far since that first day that we met.  I hope that thirty years from now, after we have traveled a lifetime of experiences together that I look back and can say with an even deeper understanding of what love really is – “I just can’t believe the way I feel about him…and I thought I loved him then.”

My Favorite T-Shirt

We had some trouble this weekend.  Jason was in  a car accident – he was the only one in the car and is not hurt.  Don’t worry.  But his handicap-accessible van that he was driving is not so fine.  We’re not sure yet if the insurance company will declare it totaled or not, but either way we are facing a dilemma.

You see, Jason without transportation is a little trickier than the normal able-bodied person without it.  He can’t drive my car.  In fact, to get him home after the accident it took a couple of men to lift him into the passenger seat of my Trailblazer and four men to lift his motorized wheelchair into the back of it.  The same process was repeated getting him and his chair out of the car once we got home.  We can’t just rent a regular car for a while – most wheelchair accessible vans cost about $100 per day to rent and are not equipped for him to drive.  This means that if we rent a van and he wants to go anywhere then someone has to drive him while he is the passenger.

Depending on the damage, we anticipate at least a month before we have a vehicle again – whether his van is able to be repaired or we have to purchase a new converted van.  Both options are lengthy and difficult and will be tricky to navigate, not to mention the cost of it all.  A new van can range from $50-65,000.  That’s our reality.  It’s no surprise to us that it costs that much to replace his van, it’s just challenging to face it unexpectedly.  We were hoping to get another year or two out of his current van.

I admit that when I first found out about the accident I was mad at the situation.  Over the course of about 20 seconds, all of the above mentioned ramifications ran through my mind.  Then I flip-flopped between anger and disappointment about having to deal with it all, wondering what our options were, how we could manage it and trying to think of problem solving solutions when I wasn’t even sure what the problem actually was going to be.  Would we need to purchase a new van?  Would this one be repaired?  Which was a better choice?  How long will it take to get a new van if that is the solution?  What will we do in the meantime?

After laying my head on the pillow to go to bed for the night, I took a deep breath.  I felt tired.  Very tired.  But I said to Jason, “We’ll work it out.”  Jason, with his scraped cheek and soreness starting to emerge simply said, “You’re right.  We will.”

This is life.  I’m sure you can all agree that challenges happen.  Whether we can foresee them coming or they hit us by surprise, adversity is a part of all of our lives.  The real question is how are we going to face it when it happens.  I believe wholeheartedly that it’s ok to get mad.  It’s ok to be frustrated and disappointed and discouraged and sad.  All of those feelings are normal and natural and realistic.

However, the real question is how long this frustration or anger or sadness lasts before we decide to pull up our sleeves, dig in our heels and get to work.  How quickly do we decide that we are going to proactively attack our challenges by problem solving instead of problem-wallowing.  I wish I could say that I had made my decision to move forward immediately after the accident happened.  I didn’t.  It took me the rest of the day to head in a positive direction.  But I can tell you that as soon as I mustered up the humility along with some good old fashioned courage, the problem solving stage began and the pity party started to fade.

And I started to feel better.

Do I know the answers to any of the questions that had been running through my mind all day?  Not really.  But we had decided that we could work it out – whatever that meant – and having made that decision, I already felt better.

I think sometimes as women we underestimate our own resiliency.  I believe that we are more capable than sometimes we give ourselves credit for.  We CAN do hard things.  We can face difficult circumstances.  We can solve problems and be creative and think through challenges.   We are smart and if we really look at our lives – we already do hard things all the time.  Our download today is a celebration of us – strong, capable women, ready to fight, ready to solve problems, ready to get to work, and ready to make something happen for the better.

please click on image to download pdf

In the words of Helen Reddy, “I am woman, hear me roar!”  We can do hard things.

Put this quote in a place you’ll see it often to remind you of who you are and what you really can do.  I’ve had it scribbled on a notecard for years in my office as a funny mantra to help me laugh my way through tough times.

Sensible women of the world unite!  Who’s with me?

My Favorite People In The World

Hello all, Jason here–and today, I’m taking over the blog.

Today is Kolette’s birthday. This June the two of us will have been married 17 years. In those years I have seen beauty and courage the likes of which I believed only to exist in fairy tales. But, over the last six weeks I have seen a whole new magnificence.

It has been my distinct pleasure to watch this woman, who waited so long to become a mother, do so so well at  it. When she holds Coleman in her arms there is a charity and pure love that my clumsy writing could never properly express. She’s only been doing it six weeks but in my opinion, she is already the consummate pro.

Kolette is a wonder. She is loved by many, and cares for all. She is my best friend, my lover, and my hero.

This year, for her birthday I thought I’d give everyone the chance to wish her well. Take the opportunity leave her a birthday wish here. Having you leave your kind words will be better than any material gift I could ever find. So please take a moment and help me with this birthday present.

For, in my crazy life she is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

Jh-

“How a Quadriplegic Uses an SLR” – Follow Up

I am giving you a follow up to my last post about “The Art of Photo Taking.”  Thanks for all the comments and the interest in the post.  Based on your ideas, we decided to try using our gorillapod (which we already owned but hadn’t thought of using) to see if that gave Jason more freedom in his photo-taking ability.

This is what we found out:

1.  there is not a place to attach it to his chair and still be able to take the photo.

2.  wrapping it around his forearm wasn’t very stable so that idea was out.

3.  this is where the lack of use of his triceps comes into play – our best option was to attach the gorillapod to the camera and then close the legs of the gorillapod. Then he can “hold” the camera up a little higher when he grabs the legs of the gorillapod.  However, lack of triceps in this quadriplegic means that he still can’t hold the whole contraption up high enough to reach his eye and look through the view finder.  Not to mention, then lifting his other arm high enough to press the button is not even an option.  Basically it all boils down to lack of triceps…

Dang.  I was totally hopeful that #3 would work fabulously.  I had forgotten about the “not being able to lift his arm above his shoulder” part.

However, what we have learned is that instead of being limited to only taking vertical shots with our old system, if he holds the gorillapod’s legs he can take a horizontal shot.  This is key for 2009 since the photos in Becky Higgins’ kit for Project 365 of Gratitude all slide into horizontal slots on the sheet protectors.

So, all is not lost!  We have made progress in our “How a Quadriplegic Uses an SLR” journey and we’ll keep you posted as we learn more tricks.

Download Day – Request

If you were wondering – yes, I take requests for Download Day.  Here is a comment from Brynn when she saw my 365 Days of Gratitude photo.

Brynn

Beautiful Kolette. I too am on this journey and it’s already an amazing one.

P.S. Can the “Women of Stature and Faith” be the download for download day?! I would LOVE to have that!

Submitted on 2009/01/08 at 6:55pm

I created this as a sign for our 2009 theme in our church women’s organization but I think the quote applies to many women out there working to be the best they can be and have a little faith in the process.  For Download Day, I adapted it to fit a 5 x 7 frame if you want to place it somewhere as a reminder – it would also make a great gift this way.

So, here you go Brynn.  Our download for today is by your request.   Feel free to make your own requests, fellow readers.  I would love to give you what you want!

please click on image to download pdf

7 1/2 months - a Jason shot

What makes a good photo?

There are many people out there who are amazing photographers – and this year I hope to get a little closer to that category.  My in-laws got us a new Canon Rebel XSi for Christmas because they wanted to make sure I could snap the best photos I could of Coleman once he gets here (he seems to be driving many decisions these days)!

The thing about SLR cameras is that unlike point-and-shoots, you have to look through the view finder in order to see what you are taking.  After the photo is snapped it shows up on the screen of the camera.

We have had a learning curve happening at our house because of this feature.

Since Jason can’t use his hands and has very little “grip,” he is constantly having to adapt the real world to fit his needs in order to function independently in it.  When he works, file folders are death and so we made sure he has plenty of table space for him to spread things out.  When he eats, forks and spoons tend to slide out of his so-called grasp so we use utensils with thicker handles.  The remote control sits chest high on the cabinet shelf – never on the couch or in a cupboard.  And we are always eager to see what new technology comes out that can help him access, organize and use information.  When the iPhone, where everything used the touch screen, started showing up on commercials, we sat enthralled with the possibilities for him (and yes, he has figured out how to manipulate his with taps instead of having to spread his fingers).

Little things make the most difference when it comes to his physical success.

So when we were presented with the new camera and I started trying it out, my immediate thought was that Jason wasn’t going to be able to use it.  He can’t hold it up to his eye and push the button at the same time – it’s just not physically possible.  This was disappointing to me because I like it when he can take photos – then I can be in them!  I figured we could have him continue to use my point-and-shoot – it’s small enough that he has figured out how to hold it vertically and snap a photo.

I should have known that Jason would not be content with watching me use the new camera.  He wanted in on the action, too.  And thus began our exploration of “How a Quadriplegic Uses an SLR.”  Here are step-by-step instructions:

1.  Hang the strap around your neck so you don’t risk dropping the camera.

2.  Move the settings to “sports” for continuous shot capability.

3.  Hold the camera vertically against your chest where you think the subject will be in the photo.

4.  Hold the button down with your knuckle, snapping continuous photos, while you move the camera slightly, hoping to actually get the subject in at least one of the shots.

5.  Look at the pictures you took and find the ones that actually worked!

This is how Jason took last week’s “pregnancy” photos of me.  Watching him figure this out was funny to me so I kept laughing while the camera snapped dozens of photos.

I love those photos.  You’ll see a few of the series in my new blog header that I created last week.  Yes, some of them are blurry.  Yes I was kind of cut off most of them.  But all in all, they are great photos simply because they capture the moment of joy that I was feeling.  They show off my pregnancy, which was the point.  And they remind me of Jason’s unique determination to figure out a solution to participate in life – even when it means taking photos “blind.”

Those pregnancy photos are some of my favorite pictures of all time.  Are they the “best” photos in the eyes of a professional or even just a regular person?  No.  But they are the best to me.  That is the true art of photo taking.

The first "Jason photo" with the new camera before he figured out the continuous shot feature - our nephew Carter. I love this picture.

My husband Jason is starting a new blog – different than the one dedicated to motivational and inspirational messages that he already writes at www.jasonhall.com.

I can’t wait.

He wrote a letter to our little unborn baby a couple months ago that was so touching and sweet that I know I will treasure it always.  Since then, I have been hoping that he would want to share his thoughts, feelings and experiences of new fatherhood with his readers – and the fact that it will be a priceless record of personal history for our family will be incredible.

So, the time has come.  Click here to read Jason’s kickoff of his new blog and be prepared to have that soft spot in your heart open up wide as he lets you into his life as a quadriplegic father.  Of course, he’ll keep up his current blog as well (lots of motivation and inspiration for you still) but I hope you add this journey of his to your bloglist and share it with your friends and family.

You will probably never have another experience like sharing this one with Jason and his little “Man on the Inside.”

Enjoy!

Our last Christmas as a couple - complete with custom tags I designed for Jason's gifts

We spent Christmas week in Park City, Utah with Jason’s family.   This has been a big year for the Hall family.  Jason and I got married 16 years ago and for 11 years I was the only “new addition” to the family.  His brother Brandon got married 5 years ago and they have given my in-laws 3 beautiful grandchildren to spoil.

But in 2008 we had two more weddings and both my sister-in-law Jayne and I are expecting in 2009.  All of that in addition to his brother Nathan and his wife starting the adoption process means that the Hall family is finally in the mega-expansion mode!  We had a full-house this year with new spouses joining the crowd and when we all come together for Thanksgiving next year we will almost have doubled the number of grandchildren.  It has truly been a year of celebration for our family.

Because we don’t get to see our nephews and niece very often they are not very used to Jason’s wheelchair but both Carter and Luke are old enough now to figure out how to maneuver climbing up onto Jason’s lap or stand on his wheel to get up close and personal.  They know that his power joystick is off limits (mostly because they don’t want to get run over if they play with it) and that it’s safer to give him a heads up when they are getting ready to hop on or off.

Luke became the expert of climbing up & down Jason's lap - he knew who was fun to hang out with!

Carter found his favorite spot standing on Jason's wheel as he waited for Jason to blow a bubble for him to pop

Jason has a gift of being able to make things work for him – figuring out how to do what he wants to do in spite of his disability.  After watching these little munchkins clamor all over him for the week,  I was reminded that our little guy will be no different.  Jason may not be able to pick our baby up from off the floor but that doesn’t matter – it’s easy to do that part for him.  As time goes on, there is no doubt in my mind that they will have their own special systems figured out of how to be together and connected in the way that works for this daddy-son team.  I can’t wait to see it all unfold.  They are going to be such great buddies.  As Jason likes to say, “He’s my man on the inside.”

This time next year will we really have a 10-month old?

Utah is known for having “The Greatest Snow on Earth” and last week did not disappoint.  It snowed like crazy for all of the Christmas skiers in Park City so I wanted to share our wintry joy (and 3 feet of snow in 36 hours) with all of you for today’s Download Day.

please click on image to download pdf

If you live someplace sunny and warm – then I envy you – but for those of you with white stuff coming down, I hope you love your snow days as much as we do here in Utah.

Enjoy!